Have you ever been so in love you thought you would never see your way out of it?
In love so that you lost yourself, your strength, your individuality - the things that made you, you - and were willing to give it all away because you felt that what you had with the object of your desire was worth the sacrifice?
God bless our collective dreams of happily ever after.
But Prince (or princess) Charming isn't always who he's cracked up to be, and lingering, long suffering, unrequited love is always more about the psychology of the princess and her need for some kind of validation than it is about creating anything real and lasting.
We human beings are a strange and complicated bunch.
And I am no more exempt from the complications than the rest of you.
In another time and another place the only kind of love I believed I was worthy of was the kind that walked away, or I pushed away - and though there lives still within me in odd moments and quiet times a young girl who pushes love away, the resilient woman who has grown from the ashes of her own dusty road has found a way to quiet the girl and open her arms.
I have learned that...
History has power.
Connection is everything.
And that love isn't about the things we can't have.
It's about the things we are given.
And all that we are blessed to return.
I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself...
Have you ever been so in love, and so sure in that love that you knew, no matter what and without a doubt, that he or she would be with you - for better or worse - until the end?
And have you ever taken that kind of love for granted?
Walking the tenuous tightrope of not feeling worthy yet always wanting more?
So have I.
But I'm movin on...
I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone...
Once upon a time I took a chance.
I abandoned a futility I thought of as love for a career, and a change of city.
Somewhere a glimmering realization was born that anyone who couldn't recognize the beauty of the honkey tonk piano player within me would never be worthy of my soul.
I moved on.
And in the doing met someone who was willing to come along with me for every last twist and turn of the continuing saga known as the ride of what has now become "our life."
The kind of man who doesn't mind being referred to as a Poolboy and laughs uproariously when I do crazy things like call the psychic friends network or sing Oh Canada on the internet.
The kind of man who from the moment he met me believed I was
This weekend when he took me to my open call audition for Recipes to Riches a photographer snapped his picture at the moment I received my gold ticket good news and I am overwhelmed with gratitude that there is a person on this earth who is in my corner and on my side - and I love him so.
Please click the link to view the picture.
Our happy moment
And then, if you've never heard this song before, it's really worth listening to. It captures many themes in my life at present because in one way or another, we need be always "Moving on..."