I was once in a restaurant where a pleasant looking overweight woman was having lunch.
Although her food choices were certainly none of my business, my dining companion took issue that she was having gravy on her french fries and spoke of her as though she were some kind of criminal - something I'm sure wouldn't have happened had she been thin.
But this is nothing new.
From an early age we are taught to believe that being fat is bad. Something shameful, and hideous - an affliction of the weak minded, instead of a very real combination of genetics, and lifestyle that have placed some of us in the unhappy position of waging life long battles with the very bodies that house our souls.
We are told it is essential to love ourselves - that to be successful in this society it must start from within, yet in the next breath and in every way possible, we, the overweight, are reminded of our flaw so that no matter what we do, or who we become, we are always lacking.
Whether other people see us as lacking or not isn't the issue. Unless we've been living under a rock, our poor battered psyches have been bridging defenses against media messaging, judgmental strangers, and even well meaning friends - there to remind us with every diet tip or suggestion that we're not good enough as we are.
Quite frankly, the only reason most of us go on diets is to gain acceptance.
To be seen as people who are strong, confident, and attractive in the same way as people who are "nice and thin."
And there's the next rub.
The journey to achieving permanent weight loss is like being in Dante's second level of hell - uncomfortable, guilt provoking, and seemingly endless.
You change everything in your life, go to bed most nights hungry, and force yourself to workout in the hopes that one day you will actually learn to enjoy it - all for changes on the scale that, miniscule at best, never seem to equal the amount of hard work, guilt, and suffering you have put in.
I have said this before: If losing weight was easy, Oprah Winfrey would be thin.
So why am I doing this?
For all of the reasons I mentioned above.
When I went to the Recipe to Riches audition in Vancouver, for the first time in my life while standing amongst the competitors, I felt invisible.
A dichotomy really - being the heaviest person in a group yet feeling the least visible.
I am fortunate, however, to have a personality and presence that was able to rise above and breakthrough - but no matter how fabulous a person is, as long as that little voice inside continues to remind us of our fatal flaw, we will only get so far.
And I am sick of it.
That's why I'm doing this.
Because I know I'm not going to beat em - our cultural perception of what it is to be overweight isn't going anywhere anytime soon - I'm fed up enough to join em.
Or die trying,
With today marking five days with absolutely no weight loss since my initial six pounds, you can imagine how frustrating it feels.
I know a 1 -2 pound gradual weight loss is a good thing.
I know that some weeks I won't lose anything.
But that doesn't make it any less frustrating.
And so I pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again...
Update, I was little cranky this morning when I posted this. Made the mistake of weighing myself daily which is a recipe for frustration - but to the good, a pair of pants I haven't been able to get on in over a year fit.
Towanda and Happy Tuesday!
What's for dinner?
How about an easy and healthy recipe for Maple Salmon?