Thursday, April 5, 2012

How a Pork Tenderloin Saved My Life Part 8 - Bozo Neurosis

 It’s a funny thing about cream cheese, even though being selected entree finalist was the biggest thing that had happened to me since I graduated from police training, to the world at large this was just another day and no one in my life outside of my husband, parents, and a handful of friends had much of an understanding of what was happening.

But that’s just the way it goes. We each live our own experiences and though we might have a passing understanding of what it is the next person is going through, at the end of the day the glimpse we get is peripheral at best.

It was the same when I went through police training.

Though my friends had a passing idea of how difficult it was to get through, unless you’re the actual person half drowning during a poolside exercise known as an “In and Out” (whereby the recruit must jump into the deep end of a pool, propel herself off the bottom, and pull herself out of the pool onto the deck using only the strength of her upper body while a corporal screams things like: “Whatdya need, a TOW TRUCK? A WINCH?”) - to the outside world all this is anecdotal at best.

There is method to the madness, I suppose, of paramilitary style training. The idea being that recruits would be broken down and then re-emerge as stronger, tougher, police officers.

For most recruits it took the six month training period to rebuild.

It took me almost 20 years.

That isn’t to say the experience wasn’t valuable. Although I ran over my trainer’s foot with an unmarked police car and apologized to the first person I ever arrested, the time management skills I gained were invaluable, not to mention the ability to iron shirts at the speed of light, and parallel park just about any kind of vehicle.

But I am the kind of person who takes things to heart - and being referred to as a “stupid bozo” everyday for a six month period had a way of sticking with me.

Maybe that’s part of the reason why I honestly kept expecting to be ejected from The Real Women of Philadelphia.

Although the sensible side of me understood I had won a spot in the live cook off, my "Bozo neurosis" told me it could all be taken away and that, soon enough, they would discover what an imposter I really was, promptly ejecting me from participating further.

One of the perks of being named finalist was having your picture go up on the Home page of the site, and right up until the time I left for Toronto, I checked those pictures daily to make sure mine hadn’t been removed; never really believing something this good could actually be happening to me...

To read Part 9: I Deserve Happiness, click HERE

Missed last week's entry? Click here to read it!



9 comments:

  1. Love this story Lyndsay, and look forward to it every week. RWoP was made for you!
    And on my goodness, would I have loved to see you arrest someone. Guess I never thought of you doing that. Ha, hard to picture, but easy to see you apologizing. :)

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    1. Ha ha Jeanine!! I can't imagine it now either!! I must have been completely out of my body (or my mind) for most of that experience. Thanks for your kind words, I love that you are enjoying this!

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  2. Dito, I loved this story too! We need to listen more to our balcony people instead of that small inner voice. Keep the stories coming! You Go Girl!

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  4. Hi lovely lady.
    I also love your story Lyndsay. I wish you had a Button so I could put it on my Blog... Thanks one more time...
    XXOO Diane

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    1. Thanks Diane :-) I'm mailing your package on Saturday - I can't wait to see what you think!

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  5. Another great installment, LOL. I really love your style of writing, Lyndsay. You have a way of drawing me in, making me feel like I was there and leaving me wanting to read more. I can't believe you apologized to the first person you arrested.... too funny! Then again, I'd probably end up doing the same thing, if I was ever in that situation, LOL

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  6. LYNDS,

    IRONING A SHIRT AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT!

    BWA HA HA HA!

    IN NOWISE DO I SEE U NOT EXCELLING AT THE TOP OF YER CLASS IN EVERY AREA, IRONING NOTWITHSTANDING.

    JUST CURIOUS, WHAT DID U HAPPEN 2 HAVE 2 ARREST THE PERSON U APOLOGIZED 2
    4?

    SIMPLY TRYING 2 GET A VISUAL IN MY MIND 2 GO ALONG W/ YER WORDS.

    MY HEART BREAKS 4 U, THO, B/C I KNOW HOW TENDERHEARTED U R AND THAT IT SURELY WAS A TRAUMATIC EVENT 4 U 2 GET THRU.

    WHILE I DO NOT DOUBT THAT U HAVE THE ABILITY 2 B THE QUEEN OF HARDASS WHEN THE NEED PRESENTS ITSELF IN YER LIFE, I HAVE A DIFFICULT TIME SEEING U AS BEING THAT WAY ENUFF 2 HAVE MADE THE RCMP A WAY OF LIFE.

    YER JUST 2 SWEET AND PRECIOUS!

    ANOTHER FABULOUS INSTALLMENT IN THE ONGOING SAGA.

    I'M LOVIN' IT!

    YER FAVE BEE CHARMER,

    ~ERIN~

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