Monday, April 9, 2012

The Top Five Things NOT To Do When Hosting Easter Brunch

I hosted Easter bunch yesterday, and while *most* of the food turned out to be very good, the pre-entertaining crazy woman who possesses my body prior to any kind of food related gathering, is apparently still in need of some kind of exorcism intervention












As such, I have decided to absolve myself of all holiday related sin by sharing the following advice:

The Top Five Things Not To Do When Hosting Easter Brunch

Pre Holiday Brunch Faux Pas #1: Don't tell yourself you're going to be relaxed "this time" and avoid doing all the prep work you usually engage in prior to entertaining.

In other words, crazy person know thyself.

Did you really think you wouldn't need to re-itemize the bathroom cupboards, dust the entire house from the floor level up, or re-decorate the living room with strategically placed nests and Easter eggs throughout prior to company coming?

Fool!

Although you may think otherwise, and despite the many times you've read Eat, Pray Love, you have NOT grown enough to embark on a major holiday like a "normal" person, and any thought to the contrary suggests you've been sniffing a little too much of the full fat cream cheese.

Pre Brunch Holiday Faux Pas #2: When you hide your husband's stuff household items into a bin in the hall closet with other bits of male generated paraphernalia, it's best not to place it on top of other bins that have been packed away for similar reasons.

Connected to that, balancing the bin precariously atop the throw cushion your mother Aurora bought you for Christmas last year, is really just a recipe for disaster when you live with people who don't know how to open cupboard doors gently...

Cue scene

Just as I was basting my holiday ham for the final time and congratulating myself on a job well done, I heard the following coming from the vicinity of the living room:

"THE *&^%!!@#! DAMN DOOR'S JAMMED AGAIN!!!"

Before I had the chance to register what was going on and successfully avert disaster, I heard a loud tug, followed by the startled exclamation of:

"Jesus H. Baldheaded!"

Then a crash.

On Easter Sunday.

Thirty minutes before company was to arrive, my carefully packed crate filled with nails, hammer, duct tape, and other manly items was all over the living room floor.














As peri-menopausal sweat dripped from my brow, I have a vague memory of my adult son home for the weekend talking me down...

And yes, I am the sole reason his future psychiatrist will one day be making a lot of money...

Pre Holiday Brunch Faux Pas #3: Bite-sized Cheesecakes, while perfectly charming, do not require the same baking time as a full on cake.


Sure, they look good, because spray can whipping cream hides many a sin, but have you ever eaten a piece of cheesecake that had the texture of powdered cement?


Bake them in a 350 oven for 35 minutes and you too can have this effect!




Pre Holiday Brunch Faux Pas #4: Screaming "Have you met me?" at your husband because he plunked himself onto your artfully arranged Chick and Hen throw cushions and then announcing he's ruining the ambience of the room just by being alive, is not the best way to handle communication in a marriage.

As an aside, it's an Easter Miracle that the Man I Married has not yet filed for divorce.

Hallelujah.

Pass the leftover scalloped potatoes.

Pre Holiday Brunch Faux Pas #5:














Not a lot needs to be said about this other than that my festively dyed Peter Cottontail eggs were not the hit I had initially anticipated.

People,  the men in my family re-named them.

Easter Bunny Diarrhea.

Where is the love?

(Don't answer that)

Apparently I won't be giving Martha Stewart a run for her money anytime soon!

And that's the blog.

***

If you missed "My Slow Food Version of Filet o' Fish" give it a read!

And for a delicious Monday night dinner, check out the video here:

 




***

Author:

Lyndsay Wells is a professional trainer, writer, and program developer with a passion for food and cooking. She is an award winning recipe developer, and a website ambassador for Kraft Foods Canada. Lyndsay believes cooking should be approachable and easy and has great tips and ideas for putting together sophisticated looking dishes that cooks of all levels can accomplish.

Visit her daily on her blog, The Kitchen Witch or on her YouTube Channel, CHARMED With The Kitchen Witch.

Facebook Twitter YouTube

Bookmark and Share

35 comments:

  1. Oh, how funny! I just did this very thing tonight ~ thinking "next year", if they turn out, I might add them to the Easter menu...Only thing different is that I didn't color my filling...(it's a Maybe for next year...right now I'm pretty sick of eggs...LOL)
    Lovely blog; I've just found you, and am now following ~ ♥♥
    Best,
    Anne

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Anne! And I LOVE your blog too - so glad you stumbled on me so I could follow you back :-)

      Delete
  2. LMAO !!! Cement eh !! Well the Eggs look pretty anyway :)
    Good thing you can laugh :)
    I'm sure everyone loved everything XOXO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dry cement no less! The eggs are pretty from a distance - if you look closely you will see my family had an apt description ;)

      Delete
  3. that was just wonderful Lyndsay...You are one of a kind.

    a secret admirer of the Kitchen Witch :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I LOVE having a secret admirer! Thank you :-)

      Delete
  4. Sounds like you had a full day! I'm chuckling (with you) because I've lived it too. Happy Post-Holiday Monday:@)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks my friend! It's nice to have time to relax :-)

      Delete
  5. You are very funny Lyndsay. I could just see some of these things happening to me. Hope you had a blessed Easter without any disasters.
    Sam

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Sam :-) We had the odd disaster but it was a lot of fun!

      Delete
  6. Whew! Thankfully we were invited out!!

    Best,
    Bonnie

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh my what a time you had. Too funny. I tend to get into that pre-entertaining frenzy too. I often let my husband take over just before dinner as he is better at getting everything on the table without falling to pieces ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Grace!! Being that you are one of the bloggers I look up to in the creativity dept it does my heart well to know you get stressed out too :-)

      Delete
  8. I love you so much: you bring happiness to my soul and a huge GRIN to my face along with a hearty laugh every post! Thanks you for beoing YOU!!! The PB knows he has a gem and would never flee that nest. He knows a good thing when he sees it! XO, Pinky

    ReplyDelete
  9. I truly am relaxed when entertaining, especially once the wine has been poured. I am sure men are trainable in the art of not messing up the place right before company comes but I just haven't found that school yet nor could I afford the likely very high tuition.
    As for those eggs......

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha ha ha Lori!!! The EGGS!! I know.

      Delete
  10. I knew there was a reason why I made all dishes that could be made well in advance and just heated up when entertaining a crowd.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I just spotted another Canadian and I had to come an see; WOW! you are good; love the way your write.I don't do too much entertaining anymore but i could relate to much of what you wrote. I have to go see what else you have been up to; this sounds like a fun place.
    Rita

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome Rita!! I love meeting fellow Canadians - so happy you've joined the fun!

      Delete
  12. oh my gosh I laughed at this today, I'm sorry but this is so funny!
    The onlky way this wsould have been better was if you had supplied a video of it all happening!!
    I think the eggs look kinda pretty!
    I hope today goes calm and easy for you,

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bless you on the egg comment Laurie :-) Ha ha ha!! The next time I entertain I should have my husband secretly film it!

      Delete
  13. The Easter bunny diarrhea eggs TOTALLY cracked me up! You are brave for entertaining. I just invited a friend w/ her son over, as I knew her significant other was out of town. So it was low key.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sounds perfect to me! Oh my poor poor eggs ;)

      Delete
  14. wow....so pretty..I love those eggs.I liked your blog..Happy to follow you.Do visit my blog in your free time.
    http://www.foodydelight.com/

    ReplyDelete
  15. Thank you so much! I just visited your beautiful blog - the doughnuts had me wanting to reach into the screen and take a bite!

    ReplyDelete
  16. LYNDS,

    HILARIOUS, AS USUAL, MY FRIEND, AND IN TYPICAL MAVEN FORM, I MUST SAY!

    THE EGGS "DO" LOOK VERY PRETTY, DESPITE THE FINAL OUTCOME.

    UTTERLY ENTERTAINING.

    THX 4 THE LAFFS, DOLL.

    THE BEE CHARMER

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hilarious! Love those eggs and the creative naming of them by the men!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Oh my goodness, you are CRACKING me up!!! I'm totally your newest follower!!! Thanks so much for making my day! XO, Aimee

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hi Lyndsey...

    Ohhh my goodness! I could have sworn that you were reading "MY" diary...of holiday entertaining! Girl, I laughed till it hurt! Sorry...but I did! MEN...I can't believe that they said such things about your gorgeous...colored...deviled eggs! They just don't get it! Wink!

    Thanks for the wonderful time, dear lady! I needed that today! I'm so glad that you stopped by my place for a visit today! I feel so honored that you were showing my blog post to your friends! You're so sweet!

    Warmest spring wishes,
    Chari

    ReplyDelete