This is mostly non food related I am, however, sharing it as a warm weather PSA...
The foundation undergarment is a marvel of modern science. Forget
plastic surgery, the good ones have the power to lift, tuck and seperate
with militancy that is, truly, unheralded.
I’ve traditionally been all for the foundation garment as a means of
women's empowerment, I had an epiphany shortly after New Years, while I
was at the grocery store shopping for underwear.
You read that right.
I was, purchasing my unmentionables in Aisle Ten; right next to the
peanuts and chips, trying to decide whether to buy the white extra firm
panty/girdle, or the beige body shaper with lift and control.
had just about decided on the white, along with a bra that could best
be described as a cross between a flack jacket and a bullet proof vest,
when a flash of awareness hit me. A thunderbolt of insight, an Oprah
light bulb moment, a ... well okay, it was just a stock boy with a
flashlight - but still, in that moment as he shuffled through the
maternity bras, I realized I no longer wanted to shop at The Real
Canadian Superstore for my underwear.
Like Scarlett O'Hara, I backed my cart down the aisle fist in the air,
head held high and vowed: "With God as my witness, I will never wear
But not before I bought the extra firm panty girdle.
Because you never know when an event is going to come up that requires that extra bit of support.
Bringing me back to this morning.
I had no clean underwear (like I said, life has been busy) so, on this hot June day, I naturally thought the Playtex would be my best bet.
I don't know what kind of microfibres the Playtex corporation puts
into its panty girdle, but I'm here to tell you, stuffing myself into
this thing was no less than an olympic event.
had to get it past my thighs and I adopted a kind of shimmying motion
with my hips - swish shish, oooomph tug, swish swish, oooomph tug -
which slowly moved the interlocking fibres into place.
as soon as my thighs were situated, they popped out the leg bands like
one of those dehydrated meals they serve astronauts on the space
By that time, I had worked up quite the sweat.
me go on record by saying that getting lycra up and over hot flesh in
late June is not only challenging, it's damn near miraculous and it
became a coordinated effort of stuffing, placement, and breath holding
so that by the time everything was in place, I was not only stuffed into
the panty girdle, I was hermetically sealed.
It was uncomfortable, but it gave me really good posture.
That is until I dropped something onto the floor and bent over to pick it up.
bending motion set off a chain of events that, in retrospect, should
have been anticipated because the panty girdle expanded beyond capacity.
Anyone who's ever worn control top knows that this can only mean one thing - the terrible and inevitable BLOOP.
The lycra holds for as long as it can and then lets go.
Suddenly everything that is being held within its grip is released as the waist band rolls down, and it all pops out.
Epilogue: I am currently relaxed and comfortable in The Poolboy's boxer shorts. You can't even tell under my skirt and there is a lovely breeze...
Happy hump day everyone!
Not sure what to cook for Weekday Wednesday?
How about my Crunchy Chicken Ceasar Wraps?
For the printable recipe, please click HERE
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