Sunday, July 22, 2012

When a Home Hair Treatment Goes Bad...

Tonight was a hot one - and as I sat with the fans going it made me think of another hot night a few summers ago when, with the best of intentions, I created a hair treatment using a few simple kitchen ingredients. 

I hope you enjoy!

I was a stay at home mom and hadn't been out of the house all day.

It was around 10:00 at night, and HOT.

I was drinking red wine, watching tv and feeling like I needed a change.

Worse still, I was feeling fugly.

This because I'd spent the better part of the day watching soap operas and prime time tv.

And there aren't a lot of ugly folk on the soaps...

Or on prime time for that matter.

I mean, who'd watch Dr. McUgly?

So I'm sitting in my hot living room, half depressed, when 20/20 comes on.

It's an interview with Jane Fonda and she talks for a half hour about the virtues of self preservation and natural beauty - claiming that ordinary housewives can look like Hollywood starlets by using a few simple ingredients from their kitchens.

Of course, I'm all over that.

My hair had been feeling a little dry and I was excited to note that after the commercial break Jane would be sharing her recipe for a homemade hair moisturizer, guaranteed to add luster and shine to even the most unruly manes.

I got up for a pen and paper and waited in breathless anticipation.

When Jane came back on and recounted the recipe, it was as follows:

One cup mayonnaise, 1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil, 2 dashes sesame oil, and one beaten egg.

The entire affair was to be whipped together until fluffy and then applied to dry hair.


I mixed the whole thing up, and then because I like sesame oil, I added about five extra dashes.

Then I applied it, wrapped my head in Saran Wrap, and put a towel around that.

I was supposed to sit like that for ten minutes and then wash it off.

But because my motto has always been "Go Big or Go Home," I decided to leave it on overnight - and even though it was getting hot beneath all that plastic, I knew my hair was going to be Amazing by morning.

The next morning, on the periphery of awakeness, I heard the PB mumble:

"What the HELL is that smell?"

"Grdnnmel," says I

"Wake up!" says the Town Crier, "It reeks in here!"

"Eeeshatup," I reply.

Wherebye the Pool Boy jumps out of bed and with a giant "MY GOD!" says, "I think the cat died."

I woke up immediately and attempted to get into the sitting position - but there was something heavy on my head and it was holding me back.

"What in the name of God have you got on your head?" says the Pool Boy.

And then I remember.

The hair mask.

In retrospect, the decision to leave it on my head and under plastic overnight was not a good one because the smell was unbelievable.

And the longer we were awake, the worse it was getting.

Within three minutes, the Pool Boy and I were both gagging, and I ran to the bathroom in a panic so that I could get the saran wrap off my head.

But it wasn't that simple.

The combination of mayonnaise and egg had adhered to the plastic wrap and hardened so that after I took the towel off, retched twice into the toilet, and then looked in the mirror, I had a perfectly formed poultice affixed to my head.

I dry heaved again, tore off my clothes, started the shower, and got in.

God help me, but it took more than twenty minutes of scrubbing, picking, and pulling until, finally, the last of it was off.

I got out of the shower, wrapped another towel around my head, dried my hair and then took the towel off.

And there it was again.

That smell.

It hadn't washed away.

So I dry heaved some more, showered again, and got back out - continuing a process that took approximately three hours until I felt I could finally breath through my nose again.

You know, even in writing this I can conjure up the smell.

And that's the blog!

A little blast from summertime past :-)

Stay tomorrow for more summertime fun!

Subscribe to me on YouTube

Follow Me on Pinterest

Bring the daily magic of The Kitchen Witch straight to your inbox every time a new one is written.

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner

Or you can subscribe by rss feed...

Subscribe in a reader


  1. I am sitting in my living room laughing out loud at your troubles. What kind of horrible person am I?

    1. Ha ha ha!! I still laugh out loud when I read this :-) It was horrific!

  2. Oh my goodness...that is hilarious! I was thinking to myself...wouldn't the mayo & egg do some damage if left on overnight? YEP! *dry heave some more*

    1. It was the sesame oil that took it over the top!! Ha ha ha ha!!

  3. lol! Oh Lyndsay, you are always good for a laugh! I cannot imagine that smell.... xox

  4. That looks quite messy! I think I'll try this when I'm not lazy and when my pro naturals moroccan argan oil hair mask has run out!